"生日快乐..." 我对自己说
Thanks Shir Lynn, Spinkypinkie, Von, MX, Bin, Greencraft, Ling, Diamondbutterfly, BeliefInLife and Aki for dropping me the birthday SMSes. I’m not trying to make anyone of you feel guilty or what… Just thought I should thank the 10 people above for taking the extra effort to punch the message in their handphones and then waste one of their SMSes to send it to me.
The past one year has indeed been a very trying time for me. Waves after waves of torment just kept hitting me and I have no doubt aged a lot emotionally. The thought of giving it all up was constantly at the back of my mind, and during the times when it did surface, I had to tire myself out to force it back in.
Nowadays, when I meet new people and have to introduce myself, I can only say I’m a “final year student in NUS”. Well, obviously the question that might follow would be, “Oh, which faculty?” Only then will I tell them I HAVE BEEN studying Medicine for the past 4 years.
But given the circumstances now, I’m really not sure if I’ll still be able to say this in future. I’m still in a quandary about what I should do. Then again, I realise I dun really have a choice, since the decision doesn’t lie with me. So much for saying that Singapore is a very gracious society. =P
Sometimes, I question myself about my existence in this world. How many useful things have I done so far? How many lives have I changed (for the better) so far? Why is it that so many of my friends ard me are already contributing to the society and earning money to help the family but I’m still wasting my family resources?
I dunno. Think I’ll still have to continue to deplete my family resources further for the years to come – to deal with the aftereffects of discontinuing medical school.
I dunno what else I can do, now that I can no longer have an M.B.B.S. degree.
I dunno how I’m going to pay off the loan with DBS.
I dunno how I’m going to tell MOH that I’ve left the medical faculty. And I dunno what they’ll make me do for breaking the bond (like it was my fault that I left med sch).
The past one year has indeed been a very trying time for me. Waves after waves of torment just kept hitting me and I have no doubt aged a lot emotionally. The thought of giving it all up was constantly at the back of my mind, and during the times when it did surface, I had to tire myself out to force it back in.
Nowadays, when I meet new people and have to introduce myself, I can only say I’m a “final year student in NUS”. Well, obviously the question that might follow would be, “Oh, which faculty?” Only then will I tell them I HAVE BEEN studying Medicine for the past 4 years.
But given the circumstances now, I’m really not sure if I’ll still be able to say this in future. I’m still in a quandary about what I should do. Then again, I realise I dun really have a choice, since the decision doesn’t lie with me. So much for saying that Singapore is a very gracious society. =P
Sometimes, I question myself about my existence in this world. How many useful things have I done so far? How many lives have I changed (for the better) so far? Why is it that so many of my friends ard me are already contributing to the society and earning money to help the family but I’m still wasting my family resources?
I dunno. Think I’ll still have to continue to deplete my family resources further for the years to come – to deal with the aftereffects of discontinuing medical school.
I dunno what else I can do, now that I can no longer have an M.B.B.S. degree.
I dunno how I’m going to pay off the loan with DBS.
I dunno how I’m going to tell MOH that I’ve left the medical faculty. And I dunno what they’ll make me do for breaking the bond (like it was my fault that I left med sch).
I dunno when I have to return to the Army to finish my NS. I dunno where they’re going to post me to, now that I’m no longer eligible for MOCC, and it’s been 4 years ever since I’ve touched a rifle.
I dunno I dunno.
It hasn’t been easy to walk through this one year, but thank God I have been blessed with many supportive relatives and friends. Every year this time, it is an opportunity for me to offer my thanks and apologies to these very special people.
Diamondbutterfly, Shir Lynn, Von, Ling, Bin, Pin and President
Thanks for being such wonderful CG mates for the past 2 years. We had our fair share of bitter times no doubt, but I’m sure the happy moments we’ve also had would wash the memories of the bad ones away. =) A pity I won’t be able to finish the final lap with you guys anymore. But nevertheless, just hope all of you will 加油 and graduate in Jun next year. Do let me noe if I can help in your revision in any way, be it pretending to be the examiner to ‘grill’ you guys or pretending to be the patient for you guys to clerk. =)
Thanks also for the encouragement when you guys heard that I’ll be stopping school for an extended period of time. It’s always very heartwarming to noe that there are people behind you and constantly supporting you. Thanks also to Ling for painstakingly helping me collect the notes for the M5 postings I missed. Really appreciate it. =)
Special thanks to Diamondbutterfly, Ling (especially), Bin and Pin for the innumerable lifts I’ve got from you guys.
Sorry for any unhappy moments that I’ve caused during these 2 years (I’m sure I was responsible for a few of them. =P)… I honestly mean no harm, so dun take it to heart ok? =) Sorry also for not being able to say much about my condition whenever you guys express concern about it (This goes out to all the others who have asked me too.). I just felt it might be better to say when the entire episode has come to an end… Soon…
Prozac, Archmyst, Mark and MX
Thanks to you guys for the great times we spent at Settlers! It was really fun playing Betrayal and the other nonsense games (Jungle Speed!! I’m the Boss!!) with you all. Thanks also for asking me out for supper (with Eddy that night). And of cos, special thanks to MX and Mark for driving us around. So paiseh, I seriously feel like a ‘car leech’ when I’m typing this.
And of cos, thanks also for the concern when you guys heard that I’ll be stopping school. I’m truly very touched. =)
Spinkypinkie, Aki, BeliefInLife, Greencraft, Little Miss Dreamer, Prozac and GZai
I’ve left you guys to the last, but that doesn’t mean you all are not important to me ok? =) Anyway, thanks for all the mad ktv sessions and other gatherings we’ve had for the past year! It is not easy to have such lasting friendships (For some of us, it’s a decade already!) and I’ll definitely treasure them. Special thanks also to Prozac for ferrying us ard sometimes. [Remember I'm a 'car leech'? =P]
Sorry if I’ve offended any of you guys in any way during the past one year. Like I said, I mean no harm so dun take it to heart ok? =)
I guess our friendships have reached such a stage where a lot of things are just 尽在不言中… =)
I have left my church friends and family members out since they dun read my blog anyway. Think some of them dun even noe I have a blog. But nonetheless, I must say they have also been a very helpful bunch of people who will be there for me whenever I need it.
Looking at the time, just nice, I’ve turned 23… My birthday wish is to return to Med Fac asap! Is that too difficult to achieve? Is that too expensive a ‘present’ for me?
posted by LKY @ 10:37 pm
4 Comments:
hey kelvin! happy birthday! sorry didn't sms you earlier but i didn't forget about you!!
Harlow LKY!
Hmm, I'm sorry if I have not been there for you when u were going through all that. It is only upon reading your post that I realize how much you must have been through. Nonetheless, I sincerely hope you will stay the happy happy LKY I know. Hope all your woes will disappear! Enjoy the joys of life, and we'll always stand by you! ^_^
Stop thinking negative thoughts! Will pray that your wish comes true soon!
Jiayi,
I know that whatever we say may have no effect whatsoever. However, it helps to know that you are slowly opening up, as evident by this blog post. I was act worried that you will bottle everything up and pretend to be happy in front of everyone.
I know whatever I say may have already been said. Nevetheless, I must still say: Have faith...
I strongly believe that we have been dealt with tests in our lives for a reason. Perhaps we may not see the wisdom yet and we may feel angry/sad/etc at the 'injustice/unfairness' of it all. But we are the stronger person from all these.
Hang on tight. We will be behind you no matter what, just like how you guys have always been there for me as well.
Let's thank life for what it has given to us, although there seemed to be so many obstacles to get through in the meantime. Without such tests of character, we will never know the depth of our character. The human spirit is strong..let's strive on! =)
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